How To Be A Leader Even If You’re Scared, Introverted, or Tired

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

I may not be a great leader but I’ve been learning a few things over the last few years as I’ve been asked to lead groups and organizations.

My church congregation relies solely on volunteers. We have no paid clergy and no compensation for any position in the church. Members of the congregation are called upon to fill roles to operate the church.

Additionally, the attendees of a congregation are assigned geographically so there is generally no hopping between chapels to go anywhere. You stay where you are needed.

I have held various positions throughout my life ranging from leading the music during Sacrament Meeting (Communion) to President of the Women’s organization of the congregation.

About three years ago, the boundaries of our congregation split along some new geographic lines forming a new congregation. For some reason the new Bishop of this congregation felt I would fill the role of Primary president nicely, overseeing the wellbeing of all the children in our congregation.

The thing is, normally this assignment is just a change of “command” and the rest of the positions within the organization are already filled. Since everything was brand new, it was up to me to organize the entire structure of the organization. This meant ordering new materials and supplies, assigning all new teachers, connecting with parents, planning activities, organizing logistics, and planning Sunday meetings.

No biggie, right?

I made it my goal to intentionally design the culture I wanted to create in this newly-formed organization honoring church-wide precedence and standards. It was hard but I like to delegate, and I like to keep things simple. I’m not big on frilly or flowery things.

This year, I found myself in a similar situation. I recently moved to a new area and had met very few people in my new congregation before Covid-19 hit and shut everything down. That’s when I was assigned to be the new President of the Women’s organization of our congregation.

Without a way to meet everyone in my area, I started lining up ways to meet people virtually. I started looking for ways to improve and help as many people as I could. I was met with resistance, and limited by technological resources. I’ve found it challenging to find my footing as I’ve navigated these trying circumstances.

Leadership is hard. It takes some strength of character and willingness to get out of your comfort zone. While I like to pretend that I am a natural leader, no one is born with all the skills of leadership. However, I firmly believe the skills can be developed.

I’ve led groups, committees, and classes, and now I’m working to lead a movement toward conscientious family culture practices. I was a painfully shy kid growing up. I hit some confidence in high school and right after my mission for my church, but it is something I’ve had to learn and choose.

There’s a saying that goes around in my social sphere that those who are qualified aren’t called but those who are called are qualified. This means that you can learn to rise to leadership if you are called up to do so even if you aren’t a born leader.

Here are some characteristics I think a leader should possess:

1. Be Sober. Sober means more than just not doing drugs or drinking. While temperance is an attribute of someone who is sober, it means being someone is solemn and approaches their leadership with a clear head. To be a good leader, start here. This doesn’t mean to always be serious, but it does mean to know where you stand.
2. Be Tenacious. Tenacity is such a great word, don’t you think? It refers to someone who is persistent and not easily swayed.
3. Be Accountable. Accountability is a huge characteristic of a leader, in my opinion. A leader is willing to take the blame if something goes wrong. They step up to help create solutions even when things don’t look so good.
4. Be Noble. Nobility is someone distinguished by exalted moral and mental character. I used to think of nobility as the appearance of greatness. Actually, someone can be noble simply by having integrity. Michael, my husband, is an example of this to me. He has the most integrity of any person I know.
5. Have Drive. This means a leader feels compelled to move and to keep going. This can be challenging if it feels like problems are insurmountable. As I’ve learned about leadership through entrepreneurship, I’ve noticed that the ones who succeed are the ones who are willing to push themselves no matter what.
6. Be the Example. This is a huge burden to bear. As a parent, it is sometimes too overwhelming to know that my kids are always watching. As I model behaviors that I want them to pick up on, it doesn’t mean that I’m always perfect. I also model for them what good boundaries are, how to apply grace to my daily life, and when it’s appropriate to be silly.
7. Have Vision. In The 12-Week Year, a book about planning, I learned that vision is more important than passion any day. If you lack passion it’s because you lack vision. Vision is marked by the ability to have a vibrant idea of the big picture. Vision feels inspired. It isn’t always grounded in reality. Vision leads to a sense of fulfillment, and it incites passion and stirs you to action. Vision gives you orientation for where you are and where you’re headed which allows you to navigate the path ahead.
8. Good Communication. This is the ability to share the vision with those around you, and to listen for their point of view. As a leader, I try to make it a priority to communicate well both to give and to receive. Then, I make sure to empower those who communicated ideas with me to take those ideas and build on them. I can’t always micromanage every aspect of the group so I empower others with autonomy.
9. Be Self-Aware. Slow down and become present. Leaders may have their minds on their vision, but they know that the actions they take today influence the outcomes they seek.
10. Be Supportive. That autonomy I was talking about is crucial for leadership. Allowing others to cultivate their agency is freeing. When others see a leader who is guiding them to make their own choices, rather than always pushing them or undercutting them, that leader has clout.

I know these characteristics sound daunting, but anyone with these qualities can be a leader even if they are overwhelmed, shy, introverted, or terrified. Each time I’ve been asked to lead a group, I never asked for or wanted that position. It is outside of my comfort zone. Even though I would rather not have such a responsibility, I also believe that every one of us need to consider their ability to lead in their own sphere of influence.

Consider how different things would be if everyone in your organization had drive, good communication, and were self-aware! That would be a truly powerful group of people. How does such a thing happen? With good leaders, a culture can be reshaped. Intentionally examine the norms and narratives of your community and question whether there isn’t a way to introduce these qualities. Or just start living them yourself.

Join the conversation. I’ll be going live on my Facebook profile to talk about the day’s list. I’m @jodichaffee there and everywhere else you want to follow me.